12October

How Dare You Cheat on Me when I Am Pregnant!!

There are moments in one’s life that we perceive as sacred times. It differs for all of us but here are some examples:

Our Birth.

Our Death.

Our Marriage.

Our Graduation.

Our First Job.

And for some, the most important time can be when we become parents. The birth of a child.

During this time, it is our responsibility as parents to help develop a brand new life within the mom and protect the safety of the unborn baby.

When a woman becomes pregnant, so many of our emotions evolve.  However, your responsibility to stay healthy becomes very important to you as a new parent. There are also so many preconceived notions as to how you, as the mom, will deliver your child.

It is one of the world’s most phenomenal events! After nine months of nurturing a child inside her, the day finally comes when a woman gives birth to her child. Most women want it to be a day in which their babies are born in the most natural way… vaginally.

Many women want the entire birthing experience to be as natural as possible. Some women want to be delivered naturally by a midwife and others want to experience their vaginal delivery via a water birth delivery. There are so many options available now for delivering your baby vaginally. The entire idea is to be awake during every moment, with or without drugs, to experience the grandest moments of one’s life and the most precious experience of giving birth to your unborn child vaginally.

Now this is what everyone’s fairytale dream world would be, but what happens when there is a kink in that dream? What happens in the midst of this most blissful time of being pregnant (and let’s say this is a perfect pregnancy where there has been no nausea or vomiting during those first 12 weeks)? Even those women who have been pregnant and have had some experiences of some sickness during their pregnancy will still never forget the day of their child’s delivery and birth.

So many things can happen during a pregnancy that can change the course of this dream experience. Most of us acknowledge this and our fears about something unexpected happening. You may feel a bit more uncomfortable about what I am going to write about next, for we all know most of these changes that occur during the course of a pregnancy are biological within the mother and often cannot be predicted.

So here is my example of one not so biologically based situation to watch out for:

One day, this beautiful, married pregnant woman begins to have some pain that she has never experienced before around her anus and in between her legs. It is a burning, excruciating pain that she is unable to relieve, no matter what she does. When she visits her doctor’s office and gets examined, she is told that she is having a herpes outbreak and has contracted a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD). The woman is devastated because she has never in her entire life had a herpes outbreak. How can this be happening to her now? This is supposed to be the most important time of her life? She is pregnant and how can she make sure her baby is not exposed?

As her doctor answered all of these questions, she was told that yes, she could be given some antivirals for her herpes; but now there is a threat to the baby at the time of delivery. This is especially risky as the baby makes its way down the birth canal vaginally or if the amniotic sac that surrounds the baby begins to leak and she begins to have contractions that could lead to an early delivery. If herpes is present at that time, it can infect the baby at the time of delivery. Other options can be given such as a Cesarean section, meaning she will have to have an operation and the baby will be delivered surgically through her abdomen instead.

She still can be awake, but now she will have to receive an epidural (an injection into her spine that inhibits any feeling from just above her naval down). This delivery will have to be done in the operating room under sterile conditions, meaning she will not be able to touch her baby until the operation is over.

So why the herpes outbreak? Well, it turns out that her husband happened to begin having the outbreaks himself and didn’t tell her about them. He has to admit to his wife that he has cheated on her during the pregnancy. Not only does this threaten her ability to deliver her baby the natural way, which she has dreamed about for so long, but now her body and the baby is threatened by a vaginal delivery, if at the time of delivery the mom has an herpetic outbreak. The husband’s cheating has now resulted in threatening the baby’s safety as well as upsetting his wife emotionally in the midst of her pregnancy.

He has put her at odds with her dreams and now she has to worry about this dilemma throughout her entire pregnancy. Due to this threat, her chances sway far away from the possibility of celebrating the beauty of the vaginal natural birthing process she has imagined.

The patient has been told that at this time she can be treated. However, if the herpes virus is present at the time of her delivery, the need for a Cesarean section may end up being the only safe option, depending what her doctor has decided would be best for both her as the mom and her child.

She is devastated by knowing that not only did her husband cheat on her, but also now their baby’s life may be in jeopardy. How do you get over this? Can you? How can one of life’s most precious moments be tarnished like this?

This is really hard for many women who have to face their husbands that indeed have cheated on them, especially at the time of their pregnancies. If you are one of them, you have to consider how are you going to handle this. Work with your doctor to discover the best way possible to keep you safe as well as your baby. I’m sure you will have many conversations with your doctor at various times of your pregnancy. Don’t be afraid to let this situation be one of them.

There is no excuse for infidelity, no excuse whatsoever when someone as precious as you is caring such a valuable gift inside you. The most important people when you are pregnant are YOU and YOUR BABY.

Each stressful situation you encounter can have effects on you and decrease your own immune response, meaning more herpetic outbreaks. When you are sick or when you have a temperature, when you are angry or experience other emotions, all of this affects your baby that is growing and developing inside you.

It is so important for you and the baby to do your best to remain calm, as hard as this may be. The baby feels everything including your heartache and pain. Remember, your pulse and blood pressure affect your baby too.

As long as your baby remains inside you, it is safe. It is only at the time when your amniotic sac has ruptured (also known as when your water breaks) and the possibility of delivery is upon you that everyone on your team of doctors and nurses will determine how your baby will best be delivered.

The end result everyone wants is a healthy mom and a healthy baby.  I know you will have to face the fact of how to deal with your husband. But for this post, this is about you and the safety and love you have for your baby and to make the internal environment of your womb one that is filled with love, nurturing and safety.

To all those women out there who know how this woman feels, I commend you for your strength to empower yourself and prioritize what is important for you and your baby, despite any controversy you have endured. I know you can stand firm with your beliefs and love for yourself and your baby.

To all those who have had such an encounter, I honor your tenacity, courage and selflessness.

Dr. Christina

  • Posted By: DRC Editor
  • Tags: birth with herpes Dr. Christina Dr. Christina Goldstein-Charbonneau herpes herpes and vaginal birth herpes birth husband cheated while pregnant options for herpes pregnant pregnant and husband cheated pregnant with herpes stds and pregnancy vaginal birth herpes
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